I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
