Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
