and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
