I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
