I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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