i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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