Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
