i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
