We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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