The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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