whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
