I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
This couple is walking their pig around campus
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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