i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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