The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
