proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
