Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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