I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
This baby is an asshole
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
