Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
