and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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