Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
