Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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