Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
