another moral hangover. fuck.
thus making me awesome and them whores
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
