yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
