she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Congratulations! We have a period
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