He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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