i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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