At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
