I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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