do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
