his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
