don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize