Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize