he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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