Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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