Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
