to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
