and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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