I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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