I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
it's like iHOP with fire
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
