Moan for me like Helen Keller
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
