I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
