i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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