Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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