think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
