just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
