What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
