Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
