i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I am naked and annoyed.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
