His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
