Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We had to coat check the pizza.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Who died my cat blue again?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
