Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
