I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i dont even know how to be here
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
