He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
