just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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