you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize