she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
