HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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