fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
