You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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