You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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