The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
