Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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