The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
