Just fell off a train. Bad.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
now i know why i became what i already was.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
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