New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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