Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
